After writing the last post, I got on-line to watch the Biggest Loser. I haven't seen it in a long time (we don't have TV), so I was surprised to see that they now have contestants run a marathon at the end of the competition.
That wasn't the part that struck me, though.
As I was watching these people run the race, I saw how often they were tempted to quit. The first hill was a rather humbling experience that pushed them to the limit, and that was only in mile 2. In order to stay focused, the two guys ran together and encouraged each other every step of the way. As the race went on, and the miles dragged on, there were "surprise" visitors at various mile markers who ran with them for a while, giving them the support and encouragement they needed, just when they needed it most. At the end, when Ada just wanted to sit down and quit, her family joined her and kept her spirits up.
"Don't look to the finish line; just focus on the next few steps in front of you."
"You've worked so hard... you can do this! Don't stop!"
"Come on, girl, don't quit!"
And as she crossed the finish line, they stepped back just a few steps so she could cross alone, and then she fell into the arms of those who love her.
I found myself in tears -- not because it was inspirational (even though it was), but because I realized that the Bible talks about the saints being the "great cloud of witnesses," cheering us on as we run the race down here. I think I've read that so many times the words lost meaning for me, but SEEING it made all the difference in the world.
Too often I don't even remember that I'm IN the race. I'm wandering off to the side, getting distracted here and there, or just sitting down in defeat. Hopefully I'll remember what I just watched... that no one is looking at me with disgust. Instead, I'm surrounded by people who really do want me to finish this well... who are cheering me on, running with me, and whispering words of encouragement.
I've never been a big fan of New Year's resolutions... I don't know, I guess something about it seemed so arbitrary and fake to me. I can't remember ever making any when I was younger.
This year, however, I want to set some (what I feel to be) realistic goals for myself.
1. Be more consistent with my prayer life. I have it scheduled for when I first wake up in the morning, and an examination of conscience before going to bed. I don't think that is unreasonable for me, and in all honesty I'm sure I could be doing more, but for right now, I want to make meeting with the Lord EVERY morning a priority. I mentioned before that I was a Navigator in college, and "quiet times" were as essential as breathing. I want to get back into that wonderful habit I had in college, of reading, journaling, etc on a DAILY basis. Of course, I was single, in a dorm room, and it was very easy to maintain that sort of schedule. Later on, when I was on my own in an apartment, I only had myself to worry about, and getting up to read was not that big of a deal.
Now, it is.
Prayer time will look different at this stage. I'm dealing with a nursing infant who doesn't understand that he's cutting into my scheduled prayer time. By God's grace, if I can just manage to show up, and accept the interruptions as they come, I'll feel like I'm getting somewhere.
2. Lose 10 pounds and keep it off. I know, I know, EVERYONE wants to lose weight at the start of the new year, right? Well, I'm dealing with post-pregnancy weight, and I'm tired of it. It's hard enough to be 43 and see myself changing daily in the mirror, but I don't have to accept the fact that I'm heavier than I want to be, and just coast along. By this time next year, I want to be 10 pounds lighter, and in better shape. That's less than a pound a month. Again, I don't think that's unrealistic.
3. Maintain our homeschooling/housekeeping schedule. I saw how quickly I could go into a tailspin with the Christmas season. It was too much, and I couldn't handle all the additional clutter. As I've mentioned before, our house is small when you take into account the number of people living here. It would be like the typical "family of four" living in less than 400 square feet of living space. It's doable, but cramped. Since I don't see the Lord dropping a second storey on our house any time in the near future (although He owns it all, and could do it in a heartbeat if He so chose to do so), we have to continue to streamline, pare down, and "travel light." We've got way too much stuff, and we need to be comfortable with less. Part of my vocation as a mom is to create a peaceful home for my family, which can't be done with this much stuff everywhere. I think we were doing well when we had the schedule going, and I'm looking forward to returning to it. I will continue with the FlyLady housekeeping zones for the year, and see how we do!
Keeping with the homekeeping theme, it's time once again to pull Mrs. Dunwoody's Guide to Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping off the shelf and read it again! This is a yearly must for me, and I hope it will become one for you, too! I am inspired every time I read this!
4. Reread all my C.S. Lewis books. This is going to be a year-long project, for sure, but man, am I overdue for some inspiration from my favorite author! If they had a medal of him, I would wear it everyday. I'm not kidding. There are certain holy men and women who will bring me to tears every time I see their faces. St. (Padre) Pio is one of them. St. Therese of Lisieux is another. So is St. Maximillian Kolbe. The last is C. S. Lewis. All I have to do is see a picture, or hear something that he said, and I have an emotional reaction almost every time.
Speaking of emotional reactions, I know everyone has seen this a hundred times, but every now and then, it's good to see it again!
Emotional reactions for me: seeing Jim Caviezel as Jesus at the Last Supper (the Eucharist is what brought my husband to the Catholic faith, and it was the Eucharist that made me come back home), St. Maximillian Kolbe (by this time I'm usually in tears), and St. Therese (she prayed for me in my darkest hour... along with the Blessed Mother... and I'm forever grateful)
Today is the feast day of St. Isaac and St. Jean, two amazing Jesuit priests who faced terrible hardship and ultimately gave their lives while witnessing to the Hurons in the 1600s. You can learn more about them at Catholic Culture.
We had read this book (and I read this one) last year as we were studying this time period in American history, so hopefully the kids will remember enough about these amazing saints to have a decent conversation during homeschooling this morning!
In honor of their feast day, I made Indian fry bread for breakfast (I had to take this picture FAST before the kids inhaled them all! Put a little bit of powdered sugar on these and they taste like doughnuts...)
We will also be listening to the Huron Carol this morning. This is a Christmas carol written by St. Jean de Brebeuf in the Huron (Wendot) language in 1643. If you EVER get a chance to listen to Bruce Cockburn's version of it, I highly recommend you do so! It is a haunting melody and I think it's just beautiful. In the meantime, here is another beautiful rendition of it in Huron, French, and English by Heather Dale.
However you choose to honor these saints, I hope you have a blessed feast day!
I haven't had much time at all on the computer lately (can you tell?) but I had to at least post something for the Feast of St. (Padre) Pio!
Margaret over at Minnesota Momhas a wonderful miracle story that will give you goosebumps, and this story (courtesy of my friend Malia) is another one of those faith-building, "ooh" stories that I love to read.
If you'd like to learn more about St. Pio, you might want to check out the movie "Padre Pio: Between Heaven and Earth." I thought they did a fantastic job with this one (being a saint movie, that is.) and hey! It's available through netflix, so what could be better?
Pepin served in the high office of "Mayor of the Palace" under three Frankish kings. In this station he distinguished himself as "a lover of peace, the constant defender of truth and justice, a true friend to all the servants of God, the terror of the wicked," and a "zealous and humble defender of religion." Pepin did not shrink from rebuking one of the kings he served, Dagobert I, after the latter had sunk into a life of vice. Pepin's censure ultimately led the monarch to repent of his sins. Before dying, Dagobert entrusted to Pepin the tutelage of his young son, Sigebert, who under the pious stateman's instructions became a saint. Pepin's daughters Gertrude and Begga are likewise venerated as saints. When after Pepin's death his body was transferred from its original resting place in Landen, Belgium, to the convent church of Livelles, it was noticed in the course of the procession that although a strong wind buffeted the participants, the lit candles they carried were not extinguished.
I am also a descendent of St. Begga.
So there you go!
I think it is amazing... and a wonderful testimony... that he is considered Blessed, he was married to a saint (St. Itta), and had two daughters canonized (St. Gertrude and St. Begga), AND taught the king's son, who also became a saint!
Last evening we had our parish's first All Saints' Day party. The kids were very excited about going, but unfortunately, I was NOT going to be able to sew anything new for them... so it was an interesting experiment to see exactly HOW we could make them into the saints they had chosen, simply with the materials we already had here in the house.
Sean decided he was going to be St. Paul...
Reilly wanted to go as Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha...
Kathryn has always said St. Rose was her favorite...
But what do you do with a 4-yr old, who insists on being a dragon?
Simple. You let him be part of his brother's St. Michael costume "ensemble," and suddenly it all makes sense...
(Sean, always the stickler for the rules, said, "So basically you're letting Thomas dress up as Satan for the All Saints' Day party?".... OK, technically I did, but it kept the peace, was a really cute "two for one" costume, and spared me a lot of grief and heartache...)
Many thanks to Cay Gibson of Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks for such a wonderful post on the hiddenness of motherhood and the life of Venerable Zelie Martin (the mother of St. Therese of Lisieux)
...a fantastic article on Blessed Mother Teresa, and how she lived a life of joy in spite of feeling abandonned by God for 50 years.
I know I've said this before, but I will say again how THANKFUL I am... not that she went through such a dark night... but that she is left as a witness to us. Her very name was the embodiment of sainthood -- "hey, I'm no Mother Teresa, but..." -- and very few would doubt her holiness, her joy, and her work for the Lord.
AND YET...
...for 50 years this blessed, holy woman pressed on in faith despite all evidence to the contrary that Jesus was with her, guiding her, and would never abandon her.
I am really enjoying the book I got with my subscription to THE WORD AMONG US. It's called Praying with Therese of Lisieux, and it has short chapters on such subjects as "The Flowering of Little Sacrifices," "Being Pleasant and Gracious," "Zeal," etc. with quotes from St. Therese herself and several points for meditation.
My favorite chapter, though, has to be "Praying the Way You Can."
During formal prayers Therese often fell asleep. Even during her retreats, Therese failed to find much consolation in times of prayer:
"I ought really to have said something about the retreat I made before my profession; it brought no consolation with it, only complete dryness and almost a sense of dereliction. Once more, our Lord was asleep on the boat; how few souls there are that let Him have His sleep out! He can't be always doing all the work, responding to all the calls made upon Him; so for my own part I am content to leave Him undisturbed. I dare say He won't make His presence felt till I start out on the great retreat of eternity; I don't complain of that, I want it to happen. It shews, of course, that there's nothing of the saint about me; I suppose I ought to put down this dryness in prayer to my own fault, my own lukewarmness and want of fidelity. What excuse have I, after seven years of religion, for going through all of my prayers and my thanksgivings as mechanically as if I, too, were asleep? But I don't regret it. I thnk of little children lying asleep, under the loving eyes of their parents; I think of the surgeons who put their patients under an anaesthetic -- in a word, I remember how God knows the stuff of which we are made, and can't forget that we are only dust... It simply comes to this, that our Lord dwells unseen in the depths of my miserable soul, and so works upon me by grace that I can always find out what He wants me to do at this particular moment." (104-105)
If that isn't encouraging, I don't know what is!!! To know that St. Therese, Blessed Mother Teresa (and countless others!) have endured such dryness and lack of consolation for years and still, in spite of the pain, loneliness, and heartache, were able to look to Jesus with eyes of faith and say, "I know You are here, and if it pleases You for me to feel nothing, so be it."
I am an emotional person. Too often I judge "how I'm doing" with "how I'm feeling," whether it's physical or spiritual. I know I'm not supposed to do that, but I do.
So, for me, emotions went bye-bye a long time ago. While others get great mystical experiences, or warm fuzzies, or whatever, I don't.
I get crickets chirping.
I'll admit, I don't do nearly as well as St. Therese. Not even remotely in the same ballpark kind of close. I cry. I plead. I wonder where I'm messing up, and would He please show me what I've done wrong.
I remember events from the past, when He made Himself very present to me. I wonder if I somehow left Him back there, and wandered way off the beaten path.
And yet I am brought back again and again to something C.S. Lewis said in the beginning of Mere Christianity -- that we choose the "door" (denomination) where we will be fed not based on "does it please me?" or "does this style of door appeal to me?" or even "is it the prettiest?" but rather...
"is it true?"
And I come back again and again saying, "yes, this is true."
So, I take great comfort in the fact that there are SO MANY great saints who went through crushing dryness... who whispered in the darkness, "Help me to believe, Lord, when I feel nothing." They were not abandoned by God -- they were simply walking by faith.
My time in front of the computer has been greatly reduced... and I just have NOT been feeling well lately... which adds up to ONE BORING BLOG as of late.
I'm sorry!
I've been feeling so out of it that I haven't even made plans for one of the "biggest" celebrations at our house... St. Patrick's Day!! (I mean, seriously, how sad is that?? I'm sorry, Dad!)
So, in order to rectify my most horrific lapse, I invite you to stop over at Tales from the Bonny Blue House to see "The Loveliness of St. Patrick's Day" fair. If you are a language nut like I am, make sure to listen to the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be in Gaelic. (the language is just so beautiful! My girls have a Gaelic tape that they listen to at night, and the language reminds me of the sound of water flowing over rocks...)
If you're looking for coloring pages -- and if your kids are like mine, I KNOW this is a top priority -- look no further than this beautiful page from Catholic Heritage Curricula!
Here's hoping that you all will have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day this weekend!
Fr. Dwight Longenecker shares his personal story of St. Bernadette. Check it out!
(and just to avoid any confusion, let me explain that she is one of the "incorruptible saints" -- in other words, her body has never decayed, despite the fact that no embalming was ever done. The picture you see is ACTUALLY her.)
