I really didn't want to have to EVER write about these things again, but here it is.
Some of you who have stuck with this blog for awhile (and I REALLY thank you!) may remember the horrible series of panic attacks (here, here, here, and here) I had in the hospital after giving birth to Grace, and the 6-month ordeal I went through last year. I have no idea WHY these things started, but they did. For those who have experienced them (and I'm truly sorry!), no explanation is necessary; for those who haven't, no explanation is possible. How can you possibly describe (coherently) why something so mundane is now a source of absolute terror?
Well, they're back again. I've had a couple of them during the past few weeks, and each one is making me more and more freaked out over the idea of going into the hospital for Joseph's birth. It all swirls around the central idea of being able to GET UP and move around... something I WON'T be able to do after a c-section. What helps during these episodes is to get up... grab some ice cubes... rub them on my arms, neck, and face... walk around... and pray non-stop. Having a fan blowing on my face also helps (again, no rhyme or reason to any of it.. you just find what works and keep doing it!)
So, going into the hospital is going to be REALLY bad this time, unless God performs a miracle and keeps me sane throughout the entire stay.
I'm asking for prayers, first and foremost, that I won't have any panic attacks in the hospital, and secondly I'm wondering if anyone out there has any suggestions as to WHY I'm getting these (my doctor just says it's hormonal and common. Lovely.) and what I can possibly do about it!