In the "well, THAT'S good news!" department:
Thomas: You know what, Mommy?
Me: What, sweetie?
Thomas: Even if someone double dared me, I would NEVER jump into a giant food processor.
In the "I don't think she's catching on" department:
Grace: Mommy! My old boo-boo's gone!
Me: See? I told you it would go away! Your body made new skin!
Grace: [crying] Now I need to get a new one!