Thursday, November 15, 2007

Maturity at 40

Well, at least I'd love to *think* that I'm maturing a little by now!

While there's nothing I'd enjoy more than to claim victory on so many different levels, I think just one will have to do for now --

I'm a bit more patient with Grace than with any of my other children.

It's not that she's cuter, or an easier baby, or anything like that. I'm just finally REALLY understanding that these baby phases don't last long, and I just need to enjoy the ride.

It was made painfully clear to me about a week ago, when I went to see my dear friend and her new baby boy. I brought Grace with me, and I saw that when comparing her to a 3-day old infant, all of Grace's "new" had already worn off.

Imagine that. 3 short weeks, and already she looked and behaved differently than a newborn. I was stunned.

I had already come to the realization that this stage in life was brief, but to see it demonstrated so clearly like that just drove the point home even more.

This is a short stage of life.

I am not guaranteed another tomorrow, let alone another child.

Grace may be the last baby I ever have (as sad as I am to even write those words).

As frustrating as it may be, there will never be another time in her life when I am her everything as I am right now.

So if she needs a bit more attention, or just needs me to hold her for hours on end, it's really not that big of a deal. In years past, I would be complaining (loudly) for all to hear how difficult of a job this was, and that no one was giving me a break.

Now, however, I am just enjoying the ride... savoring the moment to snuggle with my daughter... and accepting the fact that right now, things are not going to get done to my satisfaction.

So be it.

I've got a sweet, lovable 1-month old daughter who screams when I'm away from her, but who calms down immediately when she hears the sound of my voice and feels me holding her close. How can I complain about that?


Kristen Laurence said...

Such a beautiful reflection, and so wise. Your children will surely grow up knowing the love of their mama!

Amy said...

I'm finally realizing this with my current newborn too. It really *does* pass fast! Consider yourself lucky that your daughter calms down when she is with you, my baby cries when I'm not with him, and cries when I'm holding him, too! ;-)

Meredith said...

Ouiz, my baby is now 2 1/2 and I don't know if there will be another...I hate that, I want him to be one month old again, it's so hard. Praying that you find your peace with these thoughts, I'm still trying to! Hugs!

Beth said...

I agree! Although it was hard to take care of other kids sometimes, I always enjoyed holding M. I think once they hit about 3 months they get much easier too. (Plus after I gave up dairy products she was like a different kid!)

Ouiz said...

Thank you, everyone!

I'm glad I've "chilled out" a bit with Grace, but the thought that she might be the last has really hit me hard. Since we've had children basically every 15 mths to 2 yrs since I was 30, I just assumed that it would always be that way... but now I'm realizing that "t'aint necessarily so." I'm not even promised tomorrow, let alone the possibility of having another child.

So, for now, I will just enjoy her infancy and cherish all that I can.

Abigail said...

beautiful! I'm off to hug my huge 5 month old now!